The First Two Days of a Dreamy Beach Vacation with Little Kids VS. Hemorrhoids

Dealing with sunburn, sand, and chafing with kids on the beach adds a hemmorrhoidal element to every beach vacation. Here are some ideas to help you maintain your sense of humor during a beach vacation with kids.This week, we’ve connected with a Career Switcher here and here while I was on my dreamy beach vacation. My biggest take-away from our conversation was a big update for that the old adage of “Do what you want and the money will follow.”  Maybe it should read, “Take big risks, learn your new craft well, work you behind off, make and learn from mistakes, and then the money will follow.” I hope you’ve been as inspired as I have by learning about a more service-oriented business model as well. Now, on to this week’s next connection.

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All four of our kids have always loved a good beach vacation; a week or two by the ocean is a dream trip for all six of us Worrell types. The little Worrells have both been beach babies since they were about four months old. Spending time near the ocean always mellows the kids out and creates some close family ties. However, the first couple of days in the sand tend to be uncomfortable for all parties until some sort of groove establishes itself. If you’ve ever taken kids to the beach and had a roaring case of hemorrhoids (hopefully not at the same time), some similarities may quickly come into focus. If you don’t have experience with either or both, buckle up.

The Burning.

Oh, boy, do they. The hemorrhoids, that is. At the beach, though, it’s the sunburn. Not all over sunburn. We are responsible parents and apply sunscreen liberally and repeatedly. Unfortunately, our kids hate it. In fact, they despise it so much that we refer to the stuff as “sunscream.” Trying to rub or spray sunscreen on my children when they were toddlers was almost as easy as trying to apply hemorrhoid cream to an alligator. I’ve adopted some pretty skilled Mixed Martial Arts type moves to avoid the toddler death roll and get the sunblock smeared on proficiently. Still, we can end the first two days on the beach with two ghost pale kids screaming about a crescent of sunburn under the right eyeball or a painful scarlet oval on an elbow. At least the whole logical consequence things makes them stand still during “sunscream” application for the remainder of the trip.Here are five ways a beach vacation with kids is like a case of the hemmorhoids

The Irritation.

This is similar to number one, only chafier. I’m not sure if that’s even a word. My son loves to sit in the sand and dig for sand crabs. Every time he finds one, he has to run to all the people around us and show it off. I’m sure they are delighted to have some random sandy child shove a sand flea in their faces. Anyhow, whenever he gets up, two buckets of sand, some fiddlers, and an occasional sea anemone drop out of his shorts from where the waves have been breaking over him. I’m convinced that the poor child is going to set himself on fire one day from all that friction. By the end of the day, the little fella is so bow-legged that he would be a perfect candidate for a job at Monty Python’s Ministry of Silly Walks. He’s pretty grumpy for the first couple of days until the diaper rash cream takes effect. I swear he grows scales between his legs by the end of the trip.Sand, salt, and sunburn can rub us all the wrong way, especially when we're trying to take a beach vacation with kids. Here are some ways to maintain your sanity.

The Annoyance.

There’s nothing more hemorrhoidier than two kids begging for an extra umbrella and blanket so they can play with their dinosaurs in the shade, hauling it all out to the beach to set up for them, then noting that said children opt instead to leave the blanket and umbrella to play dinosaurs in the broiling hot sun. Naturally, since both kids are playing in the sand on their hands and knees, one or both get a weird sunburn patch on the back of their calves or somewhere in the vicinity of an armpit.

That Sandy Feeling.

You know, like something is there that shouldn’t be. It’s like that before the children have been talked to, fussed at, then screamed at about controlling their own personal sand radius. After a swinging a towel around the wrong way and dealing with the consequences of getting sand in Dad’s drink, the kids learn to keep the grit cloud in check. Until then, everyone has to eat crunchy string cheese.

Finally, Relief!

By day three of Vitamin Sea treatment, my kids have the whole beach vacation thing firmly in hand. They stop swinging sand around like a couple of Labrador puppies trying to dig out of a fence. The sunburn and chafed places on them look a little less angry, and they carry their own umbrella. While keeping an eye on our active little boogers shortens our beach naps considerably, we can all at least sit comfortably and relax on our dreamy beach vacation. As far as the sand? Come on down, we still have plenty to share!

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This post has been linked to Mama Kat’s Writing Workshop! Check out the site for some terrific writing!

 

 

 

20 thoughts on “The First Two Days of a Dreamy Beach Vacation with Little Kids VS. Hemorrhoids

  • August 11, 2016 at 3:33 pm
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    OH MY GOSH what fun writing (not that hemorrhoids are ever ever fun … the beach on the other hand…)

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  • August 11, 2016 at 7:44 pm
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    Hilarious. I laughed. Read parts out loud to my Hubby. I live in Florida. I totally get the whole sand thing. Only someone who has lived in it truly understands how hemorroidal it can be.

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  • August 11, 2016 at 7:45 pm
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    HIlarious. I laughed. I read parts out loud to my hubby. What a funny comparison. I live in Florida. I know sand. Only someone really well acquainted with it knows how hemorridal it can be!

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    • August 11, 2016 at 7:57 pm
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      Awesome! Thank you! May your sand be soft and stay far from your bathing suit bottoms!!

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  • August 12, 2016 at 12:08 am
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    I love reading your blog. This brought many memories of beach days on Assateague Island and in Ocean City with Paige.

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    • August 12, 2016 at 12:13 am
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      Thank you so much for reading and commenting!!! I’m glad it resonates with you!!

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  • August 12, 2016 at 1:16 am
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    Love your stories……so many first-hand experiences coming through. Great job!!

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  • August 12, 2016 at 3:22 am
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    I simply love the use of the word ‘hemorrhoidier’ lol. Kids and the beach are awesome and kind of scary how close it is to hemorrhoids.

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  • August 15, 2016 at 9:49 pm
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    I have to say I’d much rather tolerate the discomfort caused by beach going as opposed to discomfort caused by hemorrhoids. At least the beach comes with a view!

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  • July 24, 2017 at 8:21 am
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    I love the way you write, kids always love playing in the sand, I think that’s the best experience for them.

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    • August 1, 2017 at 8:01 pm
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      Thank you so much! Ours will stay amused in the sand for hours. It’s amazing!

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  • July 24, 2017 at 8:24 am
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    Omg, this was too funny to read! I don’t have kids myself but last year went to visit my family and all of us went to the beach. Surprisingly enough, it was my niece’s dog the one that managed to annoy everybody haha

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    • August 1, 2017 at 8:02 pm
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      Dogs at the beach are a whole different story! They can up the annoyance factor to the stratosphere. So glad you enjoyed it!

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    • August 1, 2017 at 8:03 pm
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      The pool is the safest bet! Thanks for stopping by!

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    • August 1, 2017 at 8:03 pm
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      Aww! I’m so glad! Thanks for stopping by!

      Reply

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