Four Connections Between Black Friday Shopping and Cooking a Turkey

turkeyclose73Welcome to Cyber Monday! Here’s your chance to spend what’s left of your Black Friday money. While you’re searching for deals online, I’ll share some connections I’ve been contemplating during my four-day break. Keep in mind that I didn’t leave the house on Black Friday nor on any other day during this Thanksgiving holiday. My husband cooked the turkey. So, even though I’m apparently not an authority on either turkey basting or door-busting, these two iconic traditions are related. Here are four connections.

1. Camping Out.

A few of you spent the days prior to Thanksgiving camped out in the woods trying to call in a turkey to blast for your big family dinner. A larger number of you spent the days before Black Friday camped out near your favorite storefront to ensure that you were first in line to get that 157 inch flat screen or a $169.99 laptop. I saw pictures of your tents on the Internet, so I know y’all were out there. Everything on the HuffPost is true, you know. Whether you shot a turkey or scored a Hatchimal, I guarantee you texted all your friends and posted a picture of your trophy on Instagram.

2. You spent more to get more.

I know a bunch of you spent $100 more than you planned so you could get 30% off instead of 20%. You may not have needed to buy your Uncle Fred those Elf on the Shelf footed pajamas, but they put you over the line for the bigger percentage. Besides, Fred is known for his cold feet anyway.

My husband burst through the door last week bright eyed and excited. He was toting a frozen turkey the size of a small deer.

“I spent $50 extra in groceries so I could buy this bird for $0.39 per pound.”

He was so proud. It’s comforting to have all that additional toilet paper, too.

3. Dressing It Up.

Admit it. Those Black Friday flyers make some of your hearts beat faster. There’s something about seeing a higher price crossed out in an ad and replaced by a lower price that makes us all pee just a little. Store managers know that. They stick a bunch of stuff in a bin and reveal the deal at a certain time during the Black Friday Free-For-All, and people go nuts. I’ve seen people climbing over each other to access the $2.00 bath towel bin. On any given day at the Wal-Mart, you can find those same towels for $3.98. There’s really no sense in acquiring a felony assault charge over a towel that someone’s husband is going to be using to mop up oil in the garage in a few months.It’s kind of like when my husband puts apple and orange slices in the turkey cavity before he cooks it. It looks gourmet. It sounds impressive to list all the things you use to season your turkey. When you get right down to it, though, it’s still a turkey butt with fruit shoved in it.

4. It’s over when it’s over.

You spend days shopping and wrapping only for your kids to wake up at 4:30 Christmas morning and have ripped through all the gifts by 5:00. You spend hours slaving in the kitchen. You spend a week trying to thaw your mammal-sized turkey. You baste it. You smoke it. You bake it. Your family picks it clean in about half an hour then falls asleep in front of a football game. But tradition is tradition. Those few minutes of absolute bliss make all our efforts worthwhile. So what if it’s fleeting? So what if we act a little like turkeys on Black Friday? We wouldn’t have it any other way.

By the way, Teachers Pay Teachers is having a sale! Check out my store at! 

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