In honor of Mother’s Day, I’m sending a shout-out to all you stepmom types out there wondering how to handle this somewhat confusing holiday. If you have children of your own, you probably have your Sunday covered. Macaroni pictures and a PBJ sandwich for breakfast are probably forthcoming. That’s the best, isn’t it? Cuddles and hugs and jelly kisses rock my world, too. There’s no better present, even if they smear peanut butter all over the kitchen floor.
It’s different when you’re a stepmom, especially if you are longing for children of your own.
I am fortunate in that my stepchildren would come back to our house on Mother’s Day night to celebrate with me when they were little. That has always meant more to me than I can ever say, and I am thankful that their mother shared them. I know that many stepmothers aren’t as lucky as I have been, and I would like to take a moment to celebrate “Bonus Moms” everywhere.
Stepmom, you married a guy and became an Insta-Parent. Your marriage has revolved around children since before you even wrote your vows. Many women get to bask in the glow of newlyweddom for awhile, but not you, Honey. If you even got a honeymoon, you jumped right into washing skid-marked drawers immediately upon your return. Bless you.
The More The Merrier
There will always be “another woman” in your life, like it or not. This woman has and will have a great impact on your life, at least until the kids are grown. This could be a veritable gleesome threesome—or it may not. Society now encourages step and bio moms to get along. Studies show that an amicable relationship between the women helps the kids tremendously. It did in our case when the kids were younger. That doesn’t make it easy. This Mother’s Day, go do something nice for yourself. It takes a special woman to open her heart to a family like this and dedicate herself to making it work.
Your stepkids may adore you, or they may despise you. It’s beyond terrific when love flows smoothly, and it can be a heartbreak visible from Pluto when they turn their backs on you. Regardless of your status in anyone’s eyes this Mother’s Day, celebrate your awesomeness. This is a tough job, and no one tells you straight what the expectations are. Some days make sense. Other times it feels like you’re neck deep in Crap Creek and your boat’s on the bottom. Regardless of the day, week, month, year, or life you’ve had, you’re there, and you’re trying. Take a break from it all and get a massage. You deserve it.
Whether or not your stepkids celebrate you on this holiday or not, celebrate yourself. Get up with some other stepmom friends for toddies and party together. Tell your husband exactly how you would like to spend the day, and let him spoil you rotten. You don’t have to wait for anyone else’s approval to feel proud of your role as a stepmom. If folks choose to judge you, chances are they aren’t stepmoms and wouldn’t survive a half-mile walk in your moccasins, so forget ‘em. When you validate yourself, you give off a different vibe. It’s hard to be huffy around a woman who shines. So here’s a cyber-bouquet, Ladies! Have a wonderful Mother’s Day!
A Fellow Stepmom